For the longest time I had a less than ideal relationship with my father, who was highly domineering and of the opinion that my life was something he could control. It took me time to develop courage, but by the age of 21years I had had enough and began to stand up to him. That was the beginning of a rocky patch in the relationship, for years we sparred but eventually came to a truce where we agreed to disagree on a lot of things.

But it was not until I did Biography Work that I understood the significance of this difficult relationship. The premise of the work is that life is not for pleasure but for growth and spiritual development. Some lessons you learn on your own and others are offered by life – in the form of obstacles. My father was by far the most challenging obstacle I had to face and to do that I had to overcome fear, develop courage and get clear about my values and what I wanted. This was the gift of having such a formidable force to work against. Without the kind of opposition he provided I might not have developed these qualities or not to the same extent perhaps.

When we feel fear, courage is waiting in the wings to appear. It is only through looking at fear in the face even if you are shaking that it gets its cue to step in. Sometimes the most important lessons in life are learned through conflict and learning to navigate it. After doing this work, I began to appreciate the role my father played for me – to begin to trust my own judgement and find my own path. The more I was able to see the part that this dynamic played in my development, the more gratitude I felt for it and for him. This is the magic of biography work and studying your life, it brings a very different perspective to situations, events and people who you might perceive as the antagonists in your life. It makes you see how they were in fact catalysts brought in to affect a transformation. It enables you to see things from the other side of the obstacle – what did it do for me? what did it force me to develop? and what would have happened without it? what path did it set me on? The answers are not always easy but often they are surprising.

A large part of my story was about stepping out of my fathers looming shadow and standing next to him, he unintentionally helped me become my own person and find the courage to leave and strike out on my own. We found our way back to each other on more equal terms eventually and the love that would get sidelined in the midst of conflict found a space to be felt again. How can we hold the tension of these two seeming opposite needs ? The theme is universal but the answer is different for each per person. What are you here to learn and what are the major themes in your story? This is the fascinating realm of Biography Work and the answers that emerge are moving and life affirming.